A Green House Effect

I just posted one of my favorite Russian poems on my other blog http://ipoempod.blogspot.com/ which I have loved since early childhood. It is a children's poem, and it tells a story of a pampered kid whose parents dote on him, pile on warm blankets on him when he sleeps, bring him his favorite food whenever he asks and pander to his every whim. The author compares such a child to a tender plant in a green house which is unable to survive in real world. The moral of the story is that one has to be toughened up from the early childhood to be prepared to meet life's challenges. As the poem puts it, a paddled child won't be ready to become a pilot, a brave sailor, to wield a machine gun or to drive a truck. The poem is very well written, and like I said, I have loved it for a long time.

I am now wondering if I love it so much because I really wanted to be such a child myself. In fact, I am now sure that that was the biggest draw for me - if not experience it in real life, at least to read about it in a poem. I was raised ready to face life's challenges, knowing how to survive. I was sent to school when sick if my temperature at 7 am was below 100.5F, I was not allowed to have any night light in the room even though I was terribly afraid of the dark, etc. (Chores and helping with the younger sibling were a given and expected.) Boy, how I wish I instead felt loved and spoiled, felt like I were the center of my parent's universe!

In my own mothering I have much more abided by Vladimir Nabokov's words, "балуйте детей побольше, господа, вы не знаете, что их ожидает!" from the Russian version of "Speak, Memory!" ("Другие берега") which can be translated as "indulge your children more, ladies and gentlemen, you do not know what awaits them in life!" Indulging and setting limits are not mutually exclusive; moreover, a child feels a lot more protected when he or she knows where the limits are set. I firmly believe in parenting as creating a safe space for children, a comfort zone where they can always turn to in life, where they know they will always find a warm wall to lean against, a dinner on the table and a compassionate ear. If you love your children in such a way, you will prepare them for facing life's challenges better than if you let them experience the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune at home.

A plant grown in a greenhouse may be gradually exposed to the life outside and in many cases will be healthier and more vigorous than its crooked and crippled brethren which learned to survive the cold winds or a harsh sun from their early days.

Indulge your children, ladies and gentlemen!