A Russian Drug

I read a joke recently which said: "If you can stop eating sunflower seeds when there is still half a plate left, then kicking a heroin addiction is going to be a piece of cake." This is a purely Russian joke, of course, and I doubt any Americans can truly appreciate it. Besides, I am not sure it is a joke, not a medical pronouncement. The sunflower-seed dependence is a habit which I find almost impossible to beat.

You see, Russians don't eat popcorn. That is to say, we CAN eat popcorn, but our equivalent of popcorn is sunflower seeds. Except we can get addicted to it. Roasted, unsalted, and unpeeled. The whole idea is to be sitting, peeling them, spitting out the peel and eating the kern. Sunflower seeds are LOADED with calories, so the peeling process slows down the process of swelling of our waist lines considerably. You can eat sunflower seeds when you are reading a book, watching a movie, or chatting with a friend. Guys may be drinking and socializing. Gals eat sunflower seeds and chat.

There is NOTHING good about being hooked on sunflower seeds. You gain weight, you lose a lot of time, you don't really get high, and your appetite is as good as ever. Besides, you make a lot of mess. Come to think of it, maybe I should switch to the cocaine addiction instead? (I think, heroine would be an extreme - needles, expense, etc.) It is my understanding that with cocaine you can at least lose weight and get high. And it doesn't take a lot of time. And the habit is easier to kick... Besides, when you are ready to kick the habit, there are tons of support groups and special programs, and you are lauded as a hero. If I want to kick my sunflower dependence, can I find at least one support group?

Western people don't appreciate how good they have it here!